Thursday, October 22, 2009

Speed Bumps

Not everyone is entirely supportive of a gluten free diet. Oh, you know this, I know you do!  Watch out for these people, who act as speed bumps on your gluten free path:

The food pusher - Anyone who has ever been on a diet can recognize these people. "Oh just a little won't hurt!" "Come on, I made it special for you!"  Be polite. Be strong. Understand that they may feel insulted that you won't eat their food, but  like breaking up with boyfriend, it's best to be honest, "It's not you, it's your gluten. But we can still be friends!"

The food hider - "There's nothing in this, just potatoes and ham! You can have it!" Only after intense questioning do you find out that, oh, well, of course they added just A LITTLE flour.  They do this for one of three reasons: a) protecting their recipe. That's fine, you can keep your recipe, but I'm not eating it if I don't know what's in it, b) they don't believe in gluten. Or food allergies. Or whatever. And they want to PROVE YOU WRONG.  Offer them a laxative and tell them, "There's nothing in this but chocolate!" and see how they like it, or c) Again, they may be insulted that you won't eat their food. See above. 

The food stealer - They can have any of the 1,000 items available before them, but they want YOUR food. You can approach this in one of two ways: a) plan to feed the masses and double your bring-food-everywhere burden (despite the fact that you may then endure insults about your food not tasting "right"), or b) repeat after me, "No." "NOOOOO." "No way, man, get your own!" Slap grabby hands if you have to.

Disclaimer: This is a silly post that is not meant to offend, demean, degrade, or contaminate you with gluten in any way.  However, you may not want to eat the unwrapped chocolate I just offered you.

ALERT ALERT ALERT
Baby #4 will be joining the gluten free household this spring!  YAY!

13 comments:

Joanna said...

Wow, congrats on the baby news!

huddtoo said...

Wow, didn't see that last one coming! :)

CONGRATULATIONS!!

LOL at your notes though, your sense of humor is great! And I'm sure it does help in some of those situations!

RonaldJ said...

Congratulations on the little one! Didn't know eating GF could cause that. ;-) We'll be praying that God will grant you & SD lots of energy and sanity.

I love that laxitive idea. Slip a little in for the food stealer while you're at it.

Super Heather - aka Mom said...

HOLY MOLY! Well what do you expect coming from a former Eagle? Wow!!! I have 3, @ 13(almost), 9 and 6 (almost)! I always said what is the difference after you pass 2. 3 or 4 or even 5 one more @ that point doesn't really make that much of a difference. I am excited to watch YOU jump on that 4 bandwagon from afar!!!! :) Guess when I come to town no cocktails again... this is becoming a habit!

Jovigal said...

Congratulations!!!

Jovigal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Diamond said...

Congratulations!!

I agree with your speedbumps as well.

Super Heather - aka Mom said...

totally of subject but my middle son is obsessed w/ canned potatoes. Noticed on the back of the Walmart brand they are Glutten Free! ANYWHO - how is being prego AGAIN!

Michelle said...

Congratulations on baby #4. I'm new to reading your blog. I can totally relate, we're GFCF. Fun to read about someone else who goes through the same things. Keep up the good work. :)

Amnesty said...

CONGRATULATIONS!

My step-grandmother was a food hider when I was a kid. We didn't have food allergies, thankfully, but we're all vegetarian. She continually tried to sneak meat to me and my sibs.
Oddly enough, she is now one of only relatives of mine that has been GREAT with my kids actual food allergies! My grandmother is in the "a little bit won't hurt." Um, yes, actually, a little bit could KILL them! Or did you think we just carry these EpiPens for fun?

Lauramamadoula said...

first off congratulations!!!!

secondly this is the funniest post ever!! I KNOW exactly the people you're talking about it.

but you forgot one important group of people. the people that offer you food and guarantee it doesnt have gluten b/c they have no idea what gluten is. the think perhaps it is a spice or rare fruit. and they dont know what white bread is made from wheat.

one lady told me that their tortillas were "not made out of wheat, just flour".

just flour. duuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh. of course. i am certainly not allergic to the flour plant. just the gluten plant.

非凡 said...

I'm appreciate your writing skill.Please keep on working hard.^^

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