I Tried to Make Tomato Soup

E: Mommy, can I help you cook dinner?
Mommy thinks: Ugh. NO!
Mommy says: Sure, sweetie!
E: What can I do? What is that?
Mommy: A recipe.
E: I want one! Can I write on this? Can you please give me a crayon so that I can write on this so that I can have my own recipe. Please? Please? Please?
Mommy: Okay. Let's see. First we need some tomato paste.
E: Can I open that Mommy? Can take off the label? What is that Mommy? Can I try it? Can I stir it? I want to eat it. I'm hungry.
Mommy: Okay. Let's open the can and put it into this pan here, okay?
E: What can I do Mommy? I want my own recipe. I want to stir something. Can I stir something? I'm thirsty.
D, from living room: Hunnnry hunnnry hunnnry.
Mommy: Here's a spoon, do you want to stir the tomato while I pour in the salt and milk? [Noticing how unbelievably filthy child is.] Wait. Let's wash our hands and face first, okay?
E: Okay. Let me go get the stool. I need the stool to wash my hands. Can I use the dish soap to wash my hands? I want to use the dish soap not the hand soap. Can I do that Mommy? Can I? Can I? I'm hungry Mommy. I want something to drink. Can I have something to drink?
Mommy: Alright. Dry your hands. Okay. Go ahead and stir the soup while I get out the bread and cheese okay?
E: Oh thank you Mommy, thank you thank you thank you thank you, uhhh... uhhhh...
Mommy: NO!
E: Uhhhh...
Mommy: Stop! Cover your...
E: [Sneezes.] [Wetly.] [Into soup.]
Mommy: [Dies a little inside.] Hey. Maybe let's watch a video instead, huh?

Total cost: .75 Total soup: 0